In an effort to save others in the house from a fate worse than death, I even risked waddling to the door between liquid explosions to stuff a dampened towel to futilely seal the gap. …The stench quickly overcame the exhaust fan, passive air freshener, aerosol spray, and tightly closed door. It kills the lowly creatures, turns locals into refugees, and leaves you abandoned, to suffer in the rancid stank of your own making. Some say it’s even a fate worse than death. Speaking of God… Holy Mother of God.Īnd when these demon gummies team up with good ol’ Montezuma? Hell hath no fury like a gummy bear seeking revenge, apparently. One man even claimed, “I have seen the face of God,” after being brutally attacked within an inch of his life by 5 small gummy bears. She paid a heavy price for the promise of sugar-free, a piece of her very soul. Erin compared it to a nuclear bomb topped off with an enema.Īnd lest you think people are exaggerating their crappy claims, she assures you “It’s all true…all of it.” And she would know. However Joshua isn’t the only one who likened it to a massacre. Because those itty bitty bears? Were about to unleash a fecal fiasco of epic proportions. Like poor Joshua here, writing a novella at 4 am…īut Joshua would soon beg for the cramping of 1,000 crunches over what was to happen next. Likely because they had a lot of time on their hands. Words like “diarrhea cascade” and “hot molten lava.” People used “flowing” language to describe their experiences. They used words like “Satan Bears,” and “Devil Gummies!!” and “Death.” In rather a nasty and explosive way.Īnd thanks to the power that is, word soon got out. Rather than cleansing the palate, they cleansed the colon. The gummies erred less on the gastronomic end of the scale and more on the gastrointestinal end. However, soon after they came to market, people started to discover that there were some, um, adverse side effects. They were CANDIES and they were SUGAR-FREE! Win-win.
If this is the first time you’ve tried these candies, we recommend beginning with one-fourth of a serving size or less. So what that they came with a warning label that reads:Ĭonsumption of some sugar-free candies may cause stomach discomfort and/or a laxative effect. The bears promised to be the “perfect snack.” After all, they were free of the big 5 villains of the food world – sugar, dairy, gluten, fat, and nuts. This is why, when Haribo, America’s #1 selling Gummi Bear company brought out their SUGAR-FREE gummy bears, people couldn’t wait to get their hands on the gastronomic delights they had been craving.
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